Don't Make The Same Mistakes I Made

Here's My Story - Learn From Me!

     My name is Lindsey. I am, let's say, somewhere over 45 years old and under 60 years old. I live in one of the plains states that borders the Mississippi river.  In middle America where values are supposed to matter. I have a sad and true story to tell you.  I hope you LEARN from it!  I hope it will save you from really hurting yourself and someone else.

     There are certain things about you and that you have that should be treated as your personal treasures. They are personal treasures that you should give to only a rare few.

     You should not give these personal treasures easily or to too many people.  Doing so SIGNIFICANTLY lessens the value of your treasures and when you choose to give them to someone special they will not be worth what you or they want them to be worth.

     When it comes to love based relationships, this is a very real problem for millennials and some older adults who have failed to grow up. Sex is one of the most important personal treasures you have. The millennials and adults who have not grown up have given sex so easily and frequently that, when they meet someone who they really want to be in a serious relationship with, they have already given their most intimate expression to others loosely and often times, frequently.  For you millennials and older adults now have NO way to say that this most intimate act can mean anything special for this “special” person now in your life.

     I was one of those adults who did not "grow up".  Like the millennials and other adults like myself, I gave away sex with me away far too loosely and far too frequently.  I since have figured out what that makes me, it makes me a LOOSER.  And if that word looks too much like LOSER, well read it and weep, because, I have realized that being a Looser has also made me a Loser in love, relationships and more.  And if I really want to be honest with myself, there are some other not-so-nice words that describe the me of my longtime and recent past quite well. You probably know what those words are, though they are mean and very distasteful, they are accurate for me based on their definitions in the dictionary. I am talking about words that begin with W and S, 

     If you are in your late 30s to early 40s or older and a Looser, it’s time to grow up!  If you are in your late 40s to early 50s or older and a Looser, you should consider getting some professional HELP to recognize the hurdles that await you in your future and to make you grow up.

     Being a Looser is made even worse for those people that are giving their intimate treasures to multiple people while they are seeing them at the same time, playing the field, and what the younger generation calls cushioning. It does not matter whether you are seeing these multiple people seriously, casually or as one night stands, being a Looser and cushioning at the same time is a recipe for disaster.  I was one of these too, which makes me a SIMULTANEOUS LOOSER or SLOOSER.


     If you are or have been a Looser or Slooser, and now you really like or love someone, imagine how it will sound to them when they tell you how special the lovemaking and sex with you is to them, and you have to answer, um, um, well,  I’ve been with quite a few people sexually, many of whom it was just a lot of casual sex, some of who I had no feelings for and just wanted sex, BUT, hey, sex with you so special to me to and it is how I show you how much I really care for you.

     If you cannot see and hear how fake and ridiculous you will sound, you need to do a lot of soul searching.  And you need to do it now!

     If you are a Looser, you MUST understand that the day WILL come, yes the day WILL come that you will want to tell your someone special that sex with them is an expression of how much you care about them, but when you say those words, you will be saying that this someone special is just one of many, one of the many who you often may not have even cared about and to who you were so gladly and easily giving away this personal treasure that is supposed to be intimate and kept back for only the special few in your life. 

     If you are not one of these Loosers, LISTEN TO ME and LISTEN GOOD!!  THINK about what you have read here, take it to heart, commit it to memory and DO NOT become a Looser or WORSE a Slooser. I am NOT saying that you have to be a virgin until you are married. I AM saying that sex is the most intimate expression and it should be given only to those you TRULY care for!

     And for God’s sake, if you are not going to take the advice from my life and story, at least do NOT have sex with the multiple people you are seeing while you are playing the field, oh yeah, for you younger generations, you refer to it as cushioning.  This is especially the case if you are letting each of your partners believe they are the only one your having sex; believe that you care for them and that they are your one and only special person; and believe that the sex with you is just for them. That is the LOWEST of LOWS! 

     If you should end up caring for one of them, your Looser and Slooser behaviors will likely destroy your chances for a relationship with any of them and worse, these behaviors will most surely hurt or even devastate the person you have been leading on and now care for. 

     I wish someone had LECTURED me on this!  For many years I was playing the field, having sex with each of them without any of them knowing about the others.  Sometimes playing the field with as many as 5 guys.  Then last year I was seeing 2 guys at the same time and sexually active with both. Like always, I kept each of them totally in the dark about the other.  I was showing lots of caring emotions to them and doing lots of sexual and romantic flirting in person, on calls and in texts with both and because of those, I know that both of them could easily believe that they were the only one I was seeing.  I am sure my words and actions made it easy for both of them to believe that there was something special, genuine, true, unique, loyal, faithful, strong, and just-between-the-two-of-us and us-alone.  And then BOOM!!!!!, I realized that I really liked one of them and definitely liking him more than a lot (okay, I was falling in love), and I was sure that he was in love with me.  I tried to continue to hide my indiscretions, okay really, I have to be honest with myself, my actions were not just indiscretions, they were really outright cheating and lies.  

     And yes, you can guess what happened.  He found out.  And yes, you can guess what happened next too.  I lost the man who I knew I was falling in love with and who I knew was the RIGHT man for me.  I lost him forever! Let me say that again, I LOST HIM FOREVER!!!!!  and it still hurts to this day.  About a month after we broke up, one my closest girlfriends, Jenny, told me that she had to tell me the ugly truth.  I knew she had been a victim of a man doing the exact same thing to her.  I frightened me about what she was about to tell me.  When a good friend wants to tell you the truth about something, it can't be good.  This ugly truth made me realize that I had to tell my story and here it is today.  

     Jenny told me that she was sorry about my future and my pain, but that the real truth is that in the greater scheme of things, my loss and my pain were much much less than what I did to the man who loved me.  I had done a terrible thing to him.  He was completely innocent and I blindsided him.  I completely screwed up his trust in people, tore out his heart, and cut him deep into his very soul.  She told me that his next several years would be filled with many days of pain, doubt, loneliness and misery, and that, for several years, it would be very unlikely that he would be able to get into a serious relationship.  

     Then Jenny looked sternly in my eyes and said, 'Lindsey, I love you, so i have to tell you like it is, so listen closely.  Men can hurt too, and men can hurt badly.  Because of you, he may not be able to truly date, truly let down his guard, truly allow him to care, truly let himself fall in love for 2, 3, 4 or even 5 years.  And when he does try serious dating again, those first 3 to 4 relationships will most likely fail.  So get real girl, grow up and stop dwelling on your loss and pain.  Instead you have to realize that, because of you, he will be miserable for at least a couple years and he will have many more losses, much more pain and more depression than you have and more than you can even imagine.  And Lindsey, I did say losses and not just one loss. Remember, I have had to live through this same thing and it was worse than horrible.'

     So readers, I tell you all.  Do NOT be a LOOSER!  Do NOT be a SLOOSER!  Do NOT be a LOSER!   Wake up and smell the roses before the roses ROT in the vase!  Change NOW!

Watch for my blog starting in December 2017.